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Plot: newly wed couple fall under the spell of vampire in remote castle

If Roberto Mauri’s The Slaughter Of the Vampires is famous for anything, it’s for making the Italian gothic horror profitable. Riccardo Freda’s and Mario Bava’s I Vampiri (1957) established the horror genre domestically and Renato Polselli’s The Vampire and the Ballerina (1960) acted as the catalyst for the first wave of Italian gothic horrors. It was however The Slaughter Of the Vampire that did for the gothic horror what Pietro Francisci’s The Labors Of Hercules (1958) had done for the peplum at the end of the prior decade. Not only is The Slaughter Of the Vampires a beautifully photographed and atmospheric gothic horror feature, it also is graced by the presence of the elegant and patrician Graziella Granata. Granata is frequently bursting at the seams and she’s the standard to which all feature female vampires will be measured.

Granata debuted in The Pirate and the Slave Girl (1959) opposite of Lex Barker and Chelo Alonso. From that point onward she became a regular in comedy (Fernandel and otherwise), swashbucklers and peplum with the occassional venture into other genres. The Slaughter Of the Vampires is the only horror in ravenhaired Granata’s body of work and memorable for no other reason that she gets to wear very flattering dresses and corsets and that she goes from the obligatory damsel-in-distress to the fang-sprouting antagonist in a matter of a few scenes. Also at hand are prolific actor Walter Brandi – who was a vampire himself in The Vampire and the Ballerina (1960) and The Playgirls and the Vampire (1960) – and future pulp directors Alfredo Rizzo and Luigi Batzella. Batzella would find fame by helming the delirious erotic gothic horror throwbacks The Devil’s Wedding Night (1973), The Reincarnation Of Isabel (1973) and Nude For Satan (1974). Rizzo on the other hand directed nothing of peculiar interest outside of providing stock footage for two very dubious Eurociné features in the next two decades.

In Vienna, Austria in the 19th century newlywed marquis Wolfgang (Walter Brandi, as Walter Brandy) and his marchioness Louise (Graziella Granata) acquire a spacious castle. Unbeknownst to them lying in wait interred in one of the coffins deep within the castle’s wine-cellar is a vampire (Dieter Eppler). In their new abode the couple is looked after by maid Corinne (Gena Gimmy) as well as two housekeepers (Alfredo Rizzo and Edda Ferronao) living on the estate with their young daughter Resy (Maretta Procaccini). To commemorate the occasion of having come in possession of such luxurious estate the couple decide to throw a house-warming party. At the party Louise performs a piano piece she has written for the christening of the castle. She and her friend Teresa (Carla Foscari) ostensibly attract everybody’s attention until a mysterious stranger, unknown to hosts and guests alike, makes his entrance and asks Louise to dance. The mysterious stranger is in fact the vampire hidden in the wine-cellar and who has found his sole purpose in making Louise his living companion, regardless of the cost. As Louise and Corinne both fall under the vampire’s spell Wolfgang sees no other solution than to call on the services of expert in the occult and part-time vampire hunter Dr. Nietzsche (Luigi Batzella, as Paolo Solvay) to exterminate the supreme vampyric evil.

Graced by both breathtaking photography and lush location shooting in and around tenth century Castle d’Aquino in Monte San Giovanni Campano in Lazio The Slaughter Of the Vampires certainly looks better than its kitschy plot would suggest. What it also has in the positively bra-busting Graziella Granata is a gainly leading lady, and later vampire bride, that few have been able to match since. Indeed, Granata exudes a sense of sophistication and aristocracy that could measure itself with the finest of Hammer Films ladies. Graziella owns, despite being dubbed in the international English version, every scene she in – and oozes with sensuality long before she sprouts fangs. The Slaughter Of the Vampire sizzles with eroticism, whether it is in the form of bared shoulders or heaving bosoms in tightly-fitting bodices and dresses. Coming from a more innocent time The Slaughter Of the Vampires is completely bereft of nudity and blood, even though both The Playgirls and the Vampire (1960) and Castle Of Blood (1964) would have some of its female cast briefly shed clothing. Dieter Eppler’s concrete coiffed vampire, who for hitherto unexplained reasons will remain unnamed, on the other hand looks somewhat as a mix of Ed Wood stock actor Criswell and Paul Naschy.

Graziella Granata is perhaps responsible for this movie’s enduring legacy. The Slaughter Of the Vampires, as kitschy and pulpy as it often ends up becoming, is a paean to Granata. Graziella is initially introduced as the virginal ingénue but the prerequisite damsel-in-distress soon turns into a comely seductress that stalks the darkened bowels of the castle to satiate her sanguine hunger. The restrictive and restricting limitations of the genre notwithstanding it’s puzzling that The Slaughter Of the Vampires is Granata’s only horror title. Graziella does so much with so little. An exposed shoulder in a tight-fitting dress, a bit of leg, décolletage so ample and abundant that it makes the average red-blooded male dizzy, and more than enough longing, sultry looks abound. Without shedding even a single article of clothing Graziella manages to steam up whatever scene she appears in. Even when she’s reborn as a vampire cinematographer Ugo Brunelli takes every opportunity to photograph her full feminine form in a dazzling play of light and shadow. In a last desperate bid to thwart the dwellers of the dark Dr. Nietzsche finds Louise fast asleep in her coffin and drives a stake right between her breasts. It’s the sort of production that makes one wonder why Sylvia Sorrente wasn’t cast. Compared to the equally top-heavy María Luisa Rolando, Graziella Granata actually exuded a sense of nobility in spite of her thoroughly Italian corn-fed allure and charm.

The first Golden Age of Italian horror was initially imitative of Hammer Films’ rejuvenation of the horror genre with The Curse Of Frankenstein (1957) from director Terence Fisher. Hammer in the fifties modeled itself after the 1930s Universal horror canon and before long Italy would be carving out its own distinct niche in horror. Sweltering with Mediterranean romanticism and bearing enough of a semblance to Bram Stoker’s classic novel The Slaughter Of the Vampires is gothic horror kitsch at its best. It does in shadowy black-and-white cinematography what Gerardo de Leon would do with Blood Of the Vampires (1966) and what Count Dracula’s Great Love (1973) and The Dracula Saga (1973) would do a decade later in lurid, bleeding color. It makes the best of what little resources it has by having characters walk endless in and around the castle. Granata and Carla Foscari are memorable thanks to the dresses that are barely able to contain their bountiful bosoms. There are dusty hallways, candlelabras, shadowlit corridors, coffins buried by time and dust and the heart of the production is a tragic doomed love triangle. Granata makes a most formidable vampire bride and the conclusion is not nearly as laughably inept as that of The Vampire and the Ballerina (1960).

The Slaughter Of the Vampires is Hammer Horror all’Italiana and through its rustic charm and perhaps old-fashioned sense of style it beautifully sets the stage for later, more delirious exercises of the genre to come. It sports two directors one who would become famous for his absolutely batshit insane gothic horror throwbacks with Rosalba Neri and Rita Calderoni. Alfredo Rizzo, the less innately talented half of the duo, directed his own addition to the gothic horror pantheon with the well-intended The Bloodsucker Leads the Dance (1975), but the only thing Rizzo is remotely remembered for is his loveably dopey Eurowar debacle Heroes Without Glory (1971), graciously plundered for footage by Eurociné for their cut-and-paste feature East Of Berlin (1978) and the proxy-Jess Franco exercise in tedium Oasis Of the Zombies (1982) almost a decade later. Ah, Rizzo always was a better actor than he was a director. The Slaughter Of the Vampires comes from a more innocent and much simpler time when everything was classier. It’s might be a bit strong to call Roberto Mauri’s The Slaughter Of the Vampires an overlooked classic of the genre, but it certainly pushes all the right buttons and has atmosphere in spades.

Plot: cops travel back in time to stop top criminal in the past

Nobody had a greater gift for anticipating what audiences might want than Hong Kong exploitation mogul Jing Wong. Seeing the worldwide success of Nintendo arcade beat-em-up Street Fighter II: the World Warrior (1991) Wong set to adapt the property for the big screen. In the resultant bidding war the rights went to Jackie Chan. Chan put these newly acquired copyrights to good use in his City Hunter (1993). There he, and not Joey Wong or Chingmy Yau Suk-Ching as you'd reasonably expect/hope, ended up in Chun-Li's signature blue qipao. Undeterred by not obtaining the necessary licensing he quickly rewrote the screenplay for his Street Fighter II: the World Warrior adaptation as pre-production was already under way. Thus came to be Future Cops, an action-comedy where pretty much nothing makes sense and where juvenile humor is the order of the day. If you thought the American Street Fighter (1994) was terrible, pray to the god of your choosing that Jing Wong never got his way. At least Chingmy Yau, Charlie Yeung and Winnie Lau brighten up this barely coherent romp.

In the far-flung future of 2043 criminal mastermind The General (Ken Lo Wai-Kwong) is incarcerated in a high-tech prison. His cronies, The Future Rascals, Thai King (Billy Chow Bei-Lei), Toyota (William Duen Wai-Lun) and Kent (Ekin Cheng Yee-Kin) have created a time machine to travel to 1993. There they will kill Yu Ti Hung, the judge that imprisoned The General in their own time. The Future Rascals are assailed by the Future Cops, a team of law enforcement officers comprising of Ti Man (Andy Lau Tak-Wah), Broom Man (Jacky Cheung Hok-Yau), Sing (Simon Yam Tat-Wah) and Lung (Aaron Kwok Fu-Sing). The Future Rascals manage to transport themselves to 1993 and the Future Cops are ordered by their department’s highest-ranking commander (Newton Lai Hon-Chi) to apprehend, arrest and detain the fugitive felons no matter what the cost. The General is too much of a high-priority target to be allowed to run amok. Thus the Future Cops are given permission to travel all the way back to 1993 when The General was nothing but a dopey high school student.

Tai Chun (Dicky Cheung Wai-Kin) is your average 24 year-old student at St. Yuk Keung high school in Hong Kong. He’s relentlessly mocked by bully Yu Kei-On (Andy Hui Chi-On) and his gang of misfits. At home he is constantly berated by his popular high school sister Chun May (Chingmy Yau Suk-Ching), their high-strung mother Mrs. Chun (Kingdom Yuen King-Tan) and her beau (Richard Ng Yiu-Hon). About the only thing that keeps poor Tai Chun alive is his unrequited love for Choy Nei (Charlie Yeung Choi-Nei), a crush he has been harboring for probably far too long. Tai Chun’s world is thrown upside down when the Future Cops land on his roof. After a bit of back-and-forth he agrees to help them find The General – but only if the Future Cops offer him protection and help him improve his reputation and standing in school while they’re there anyway.

Thus each member of the Future Cops goes undercover at Chun’s high school. Broom Man infiltrates by pretending to be a teacher. He breaks into song in the middle of class and makes a pass on student Siu Wai (Winnie Lau Siu-Wai). Ti Man pretends to be a student and quickly catches the eye of Tai Chun’s sister Chun May. Sing agrees to be Tai Chun’s loyal servant if only to protect him from the gang of bullies. Hilarity ensues when Siu Wai, the girlfriend of Kei On, falls head over heels in love with Tai Chun. While all of this is going on, this leaves the Future Cops with one problem: who is The General and how will they find him? An 11th hour plot twist not only reveals his identity, but pits the Future Cops in a fierce battle against the Future Rascals in a conclusion so in(s)ane it defies mere description.

Future Cops is the kind of movie that could only be made in Hong Kong by Jing Wong and still secure a theatrical release. Words cannot properly convey how utterly deranged and out-there Future Cops truly is. Granted, you’ll have to endure an hour’s worth of puerile situational comedy, unfunny puns/quips and kitschy gags straight out of The Inspector Wears Skirts and the main plot is liberally scribbled from Gordon Chan’s Fight Back to School (1991). Future Cops is bookended by two fairly impressive fightscene setpieces, but they are seperated by an hour’s worth of plot. On the other hand where are you going to see Winnie Lau, Charlie Yeung, Kingdom Yuen King-Tan, and Chingmy Yau together in the same movie? Where else are you going to see Chingmy Yau dressed up as Luigi Mario from Super Mario Bros and a grown-up Fanny Leung Maan-Yee from Infra-Man (1975) as one of the student body at St. Yuk Keung? In the end Tai Chung gains superpowers and transforms into Goku from Dragon Ball Z. It makes Wellson Chin Sing-Wai’s Super Lady Cop (1992) with Cynthia Khan look positively sane and measured in comparison. Il faut le faire...

The only reason that Future Cops has garnered any kind of longevity is thanks to its inherent insanity. The finer details of the plot make no sense and the Future Rascals only dress up as Street Fighter II: the World Warrior (1991) characters because the costumes were already made when production began. Chingmy Yau was no Brigitte Lin and certainly no Gong Li but as a reliable second-stringer the sheer variety of roles that she played over the years are testament to her versatility as an actress. Yau appeared in everything from gambling movies and romantic dramas to dopey comedies and about anything in between. She was in everything from Casino Tycoon (1992) and God of Gamblers Return (1994), and fantasy wuxia send-ups Legend of the Liquid Sword (1993) and Kung Fu Cult Master (1993) to laugh-a-minute action romps as Naked Killer (1992), City Hunter (1993) and High Risk (1995). Future Cops winks, nods and liberally borrows from everything from Back to the Future 2 (1989), and Ghost (1990), to Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) and Demolition Man (1993). The screenplay barely makes sense and Wong has no interest in pursuing any of its better ideas. Future Cops plows mercilessly forward; logic and coherence be damned. Not all the jokes are funny, and they seem to miss the mark more often than they don't. In one of the funnier scenes Chingmy Yau can be seen shaking her petite derrière. No wonder Wong loved her...

To say that Future Cops is acquired taste is understating just how insane it occasionally gets. It often feels as three different movies choppily edited together in only a way Hong Kong would attempt. The tonal shifts are sudden and frequently jarring making the quirkier indulgences of comedy specialist Wellson Chin Sing-Wai’s Super Lady Cop (1992) look measured in comparison. Future Cops begins as a scifi-action movie before turning into a high school comedy (complete with slapstick humor and cartoony sound effects) in between segments of hastily edited in down-market chopsocky action. The situational – and slapstick comedy is hopelessly puerile (as you would expect of Wong) and that Future Cops depends so much on it is to its everlasting detriment. The Magic Crystal (1986) also mixed genres, but was far more elegant in doing so. The screenplay is a barely coherent mess that cannot even be redeemed by the electrifying presence of Wong babes Chingmy Yau, Winnie Lau, and Charlie Yeung. Future Cops is both disparate and desperate to make something, anything, of what in a better world should have been an official Street Fighter adaptation. Future Cops is a lot of things, but it clearly wasn't Jing Wong's finest moment.